Lost in translation . . .

Guest post by PinkM

Well, Pete honored me by asking me to guest post on here. No idea what wisdom is expected, but I’ll do my best to be me.

A couple of days ago, I did this post on giving and uplifting others in all I do, and a couple of comments prompted this post.

See, we have the tendency to use English translations in relationships, and from my observation, they don’t always hold true. For example:

Giving / Receiving – According to the dictionary definition, these two are opposites right? Well, in relationships, they’re not. People have the tendency to believe that one has to be a giver or a receiver; you cannot be a perennial giver, and a receiver. If one is building themselves into being a giver, it’s taken to mean that that person will not receive. That’s not true.
The opposite of giving is not giving. The opposite of receiving is not receiving.

My saying I want to be ever generous means, I want to move from the position of not giving (all the time), to giving (all the time). Receiving comes in another context. Basically, giving and receiving IMO are not mutually exclusive.

Making Others Shine – Again, the opposite of this isn’t dimming my light. It just means that external approval will cease to be so important to me, and instead, I’ll channel that light onto someone who need it more to build their confidence.
Case in point. You have an important project to deliver, but instead of working on it and taking all the glory (which will mean less time, and more efficiency for the company), you help your junior do the work, and let him take the glory.

IMO, in that case, I haven’t dimmed my light one bit. See, I know I can do it and do it well, but the person beside me needs to learn. He needs to build his confidence in whatever task. He’s still growing.
Letting those beside you take the glory is a sign of growth and security in who you are, and as such, outside affirmation doesn’t mean that much (nose in the air self righteousness)

Character vs Personality – I was watching this episode of Desperate  Housewives that they talk about why you should probably love the rude neighbor who will speak their mind, and not trust so much, the polite neighbor, who has nothing but kind words for you, and nothing else (this was in reference to Susan, the rude neighbor and Orson, the ever so polite guy, who was stealing from everyone).

I get this feeling that society is emphasizing so much on people developing perfect personalities, without advocating for fundamental character issues.
We’re taught to say the right thing, the right words and everything to keep the peace.

As long as you’re ‘correct’ you’re accepted. Something is fundamentally wrong with that. Let us work on character development and sincerity, and at the end of the day, we’ll be a better people.

Filed under: Insight, choice, Growth, human nature, Insight, Learning, life, media, Self Discovery, selflessness, Sharing, truth

The Unexpected Changes Our Lives

“The expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still
The expected is just the beginning
The unexpected is what changes our lives.”
– Meredith Grey (in Grey’s Anatomy Season 3 Episode 13)

Have you ever had very great expectations, only to have them nipped in the bud at the eleventh hour? Have you ever had something you highly valued and looked forward to taken away right before your eyes?

Well, it happened to me in October 2008 and I now proceed to share the invaluable lesson I learnt and the insight acquired from that experience.

October 3, 2008 wasn’t a good day for me at all. I was quite disappointed upon receiving information that something I had been looking forward to all of September would actually not materialize. For a moment, I felt like someone gave me a ‘Shattered Dreams’ low blow kick like Goldust used to do in the WWE.

Coincidentally, I had watched “Great Expectations”, the 13th episode in the 3rd season of Grey’s Anatomy, just a week before this incident. Whereas I am not that bad at accepting reality and moving on, I found it difficult to embrace the fact that the other party in the aforementioned situation had not bothered to inform me of the change in plans before the due date. Clearly, courtesy was wanting here, but c’est la vie, that’s life.

Thinking of the effect many ‘great expectations’ do have in our lives, I now realize that these expectations can sometimes hold us back and therefore limit our ability to expand our horizons.

We so badly cling to these ‘great’ expectations that we are blinded from other opportunities that lie ahead of us. To make matters worse, these expectations do cloud our judgment and hamper our ability to face challenges.

The worst that can happen when we just focus on getting what we already expect is that we become myopic and overlook the long term.

Once again, I found a possible solution to problems occasioned by unmet ‘great expectations’ in Grey’s Anatomy. (If you still haven’t watched this show, I strongly recommend that you do. It is funny, and full of wisdom).

Consider the following:

GREAT EXPECTATIONS
Words by Meredith Grey

No one believes their life will turn out just ‘kind of okay’
We all think we’re going to be great
And from the day we decide to (be surgeons)
We are filled, with expectation…
Expectations of the trails we will blaze
The people we will help
The difference we will make
Great expectations of who we will be
Where we will go
And then… we get there.

We all think we’re going to be great
And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met
But sometimes, our expectations sell us short
Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison, to the unexpected
You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations
Because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still
The expected is just the beginning
The unexpected is what changes our lives.

– Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy Season 3 Episode 13)

You can watch the entire ‘Great Expectations’ episode here.

In life, you’ve got to expect the unexpected. Do not be limited by the familiar. Broaden your view. Cover new ground.

Learn, share and purpose to free yourself from the old, familiar, and ‘well known’ expectations.

Filed under: Insight, choice, Growth, human nature, Insight, Inspiration, Learning, life, positivity, Progress

The End of Something. The Beginning, of Everything

“It was the end of something.
It was the beginning, of everything.”
-Nokia N Series (The Fourth Screen) TV ad

I once read somewhere that every sundown is a challenge. It marks the end of yet another day. The end of something.

Unfortunately, that is all we see sometimes. We fail to realize that the end of any day paves the way for a brand new day, a new beginning.

Endings are necessary for beginnings to make any sense. The good news is that the end of something can actually be the beginning of everything.

This is because any new beginning can be predicated on what just ended. The lesson has already been learnt. The mistakes can now be avoided. Improvement is now inevitable. Growth and progress is only natural.

Armed with knowledge gained from experience, we can now do all that is required to get to the finish line. We can even go the extra mile. We can go the distance to realize our goals.

Following is the Nokia 4th Screen TV advert video. Be edified:

From now on, purpose to acknowledge that many endings signify brand new beginnings. That the old must pave way for the new. That each sunset heralds a new day. A new beginning. The beginning, of everything.
Now do the needful.

Learn, share, and realize that your best days are ahead of you. It’s time to move on.

Filed under: Insight, choice, determination, Growth, Insight, Learning, life, Progress

Security and insecurity, heroes and warriors: Eve Ensler's TED Talk

Following is a TED Talk by Eve Ensler, founder of the Vagina Monologues.

Be edified:

Learn, share and be safe & secure.

Filed under: Insight, choice, hope, human condition, Inspiration, life, media, positivity, Progress, Sharing, TED Talks, words

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.
– Sidney and Suzanne Simon (WisdomQuotes.com)

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. But who gets to forgive who?

In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of compensation, and without any response on the part of the offender. In practical terms however, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, apology, and/or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe they are able to forgive.

To better understand forgiveness, consider the following:

• Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple.
• Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive AND there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim.
• The greatest misconception about forgiveness is the belief that forgiving the offense, such as an affair, means that you condone it. Not true. In fact, we can only forgive what we know to be wrong. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to reconcile with someone who badly treated you.
• Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it.
• When you forgive you do it for you, not for the other. The person you have never forgiven. . . owns you!Forgiving someone else is to agree within yourself to overlook the wrong they have committed against you and to move on with your life. It’s the only way. It means cutting them some slack.
• Forgiveness is a creative act that changes us from prisoners of the past to liberated people at peace with our memories. It is not forgetfulness, but it involves accepting the promise that the future can be more than dwelling on memories of past injury.

Ponder the following about forgiveness:

FORGIVENESS
by Reinhold Neibuhr

Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite a virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.

Has anyone wronged you lately? Now is the time to free yourself by forgiving them.

This week, be reminded of what Confucius said.

“The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.”

Learn, share and experience the power of forgiveness.

Filed under: Insight, Growth, Learning, life, Progress, Self Discovery, the bigger picture, truth

Until My Change Comes… I'll wait, Renew my Strength and Keep Holding On

The first episode of the fourth season of Grey’s Anatomy is titled ‘A Change is Gonna Come’. Following is an excerpt of the episode transcript:

“In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques are created, procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase.
Innovation is everything. Nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change…or we get left behind……..”

The above words got me thinking.
Yeah, it’s true that we get inspired and hopeful whenever we envision change. We even get motivated when we encounter new people and situations that effect change and thereby enhance our lives.

But what about that transition period? That period of waiting as change happens? What keeps us going at the time?

I found my answer in a song I first listened to ten years ago – ‘Until My Change Comes’ by Commissioned. It’s from the album ‘Times and Seasons’, which was released in the year 2000.

Consider the following:

UNTIL MY CHANGE COMES
By Commissioned

It’s been a long time coming
But a change is gonna come
When the dark clouds pass away
Feel the warmness of the sun
I know that You love me, oh yeah,
I know that you care
I can’t wait to be by Your side
In the middle of the air.

CHORUS
Until my change comes
Here’s what I’ll do
Renew my strength
Keep holding on
I’ll wait on You.

(REPEAT)

It ain’t gonna be easy
But I’ll be strong. Some say if You
Really cared um,
It’s wouldn’t take so long for You to
Return for me
If with You is where I ought to be
But I’m gonna believe until that day
I will…. until…

CHORUS

BRIDGE

Gotta wait gotta wait on you
That’s what I’m gonna do
I’m gonna stand still
I just wanna be in your will
Just like David and Goliath
I gotta encourage my soul, yeah
Said I’m gonna stand still
Until um…

CHORUS * CHORUS * CHORUS

The above lyrics and artist names are copyrighted to Commissioned. They appear  here for educational and personal use only.

So back to the Grey’s Anatomy transcript…

“Change. we don’t like it, we fear it.
But we can’t stop it from coming.
We either adapt to change, or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying.
But here’s the truth. sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.
And sometimes…oh, sometimes change is good.
Sometimes change is…everything.”

Learn, share and be an agent of positive change. Both in your life and those of others.

Filed under: Insight, choice, determination, Growth, human nature, Learning, lyrical insight, media, music, Progress, Self Discovery, the bigger picture, words

Talent: Practice Doing What You Love, and Loving Your Work

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do.”
– Steve Jobs (addressing Stanford University students in 2005)

For a long time, there has been raging debate on the roles of both talent and practice in success. The ScienCentral Archive has a lengthy article that seeks to answer the question: Is talent something you’re born with or can practice really make you perfect? You can read the entire article on Talent vs Practice here. Consider the following excerpt:

“Experts on expertise – who’ve studied the minds of experts in fields from sports to medicine – have the answer… that anyone with the right kind of practice will be able to dramatically improve their performance and it looks like they would be able to become experts with sufficient practice. “

In an article on expert performance and deliberate practice, K. Anders Ericsson underscores the notion that a high level of improvement can be achieved by deliberate practice. Experts are therefore able to find areas for improvement and focus their time and effort practising and improving those areas. That is what sets them apart form ordinary average persons. He writes,

“A lot of people like to do things that they’re already good at, but what deliberate practice says is that you need to find those things that you are weak at, since there’s room for improvement. That’s the activity you should focus on…”

As we seek to make ourselves better, brighter, faster, stronger, happier, healthier and smarter; we need to realize that the difference between ordinary and extra-ordinary is that little ‘extra’. We can rise above our apparent limitations by practising.

One of the adverts I find inspiring focuses on ‘the source of talent’. Following is the video and entire copy of the Wesbank TV ad.

WESBANK (The Source of Talent) TV ad

A recent study asked,
“Where does talent come from?”
Is it programmed at birth into a select few
Or is it something,
that can be drawn from you inch by inch?
Does it show itself a little more
Every time you challenge yourself?
What the study found was,
“Practice makes perfect”

Let us purpose to make the most of our talents. For those who find themselves in jobs that seemingly suck, learn how to love your work. That is the only way to doing great work.
We should always remember what Steve Jobs told students at Stanford University…

“…The only way to do great work is to love what you do.”

Let us learn, share and become better at doing what we love.

Filed under: Insight, choice, Insight, Inspiration, Learning, life, love, media, practice, Progress, talent, work

The Essence of Giving Power to good Designers who are Inspired, Visionary and Determined

I have just watched Jacek Utko’s TED talk, where he sought to answer the question: “Can Design save the newspaper?”

Jacek Utko

Jacek Utko is a polish designer who suggests that it’s time for a fresh, top-to-bottom rethink of the newspaper. In his work, he’s proved that good design can help readers reconnect with newspapers.
Despite being a little-known newspaper designer, his redesigns not only win awards, but increase circulation by up to 100%. In the following TED talk, Jacek says in no uncertain terms:

“you can live in a small poor country, you can work for a small company, in a boring branch, you can have no budgets, no people, but still you can put your work to the highest possible level. And everybody can do it. You just need inspiration, vision and determination. And you need to remember that to be good, is not enough.”

You can watch this talk, read reviews and download the video on the TED web site.

On the day the Daily Metro (a publication of Nation Media Group), gets retired, the following insights from Jacek Utko’s web site are worth thinking about:

7 Steps to (Design) Success

1. Strategy and goal
   What do you want to achieve? Increase sales? Attract new readers? Change image?
2. Newspaper content
   Is the change of content necessary? Is the paper structure clear? What are the reader’s needs?
3. Design
   Is design coherent with strategy and content?
4. Focus Groups
   Will readers accept it?
5. Organization and planning
   How to improve workflow and planning?
6. Marketing
   How to self-promote our content?
7. Implementation
   Presentation and training, style book, supervision

This post will be especially  helpful to those in the creative, publishing and marketing services industry. In a broader perspective however, the above design insights and TED talk are useful to anyone who is in the business of adding value.

That undoubtedly includes everyone, with no exceptions whatsoever.

Let us learn, share and purpose to add value both in our lives and those of others.

Filed under: Insight, creativity, design, determination, Insight, Inspiration, Learning, media, Progress, TED Talks, vision

Optimism: How cooperation (eventually) trumps conflict – Robert Wright's TED Talk

Robert Wright gave the following talk during the TED Global Conference in Monterey, California in 2006.

In what he kept referring to as an “upbeat talk”, Robert Wright explains “non-zero-sumness”—the network of linked fortunes and cooperation that has guided our evolution to this point—and how we can use it to help save humanity today.

Watch this talk at the TED website or download the video (MP4 format, 66MB).

Let us learn, share and keep effecting positive change together.

Filed under: Insight, civilization, cooperation, Growth, human condition, human nature, life, Progress, society, TED Talks, zero-sum

The Burden and Paradox of Choice

“So everywhere we look, big things and small things,
material things and lifestyle things,
life is a matter of choice.”
– Barry Schwartz

Psychologist Barry Schwartz gave this insightful, yet funny talk at TED Global some years back.
This talk was recorded in July 2005 at the TED Global Conference in Oxford, England.

Highlights of this Talk:

• The Official dogma of all Western industrial societies.
  “If we are interested in maximizing the welfare of our citizens, the way to that is to maximize individual freedom. The reason for this is both that freedom is in and of itself good, valuable, worthwhile, essential to being human and because if people have freedom, then each of us can act on our own to do the things that will maximize our welfare and no one has to decide on our behalf.”
• The way to maximize freedom is to maximize choice.
• The more choice people have, the more freedom they have and the more welfare they have.
• Too much choice produces paralysis rather than liberation. With so many options to choose from, people find it very difficult to choose at all.
• Opportunity costs subtract from the satisfaction of what we choose even when what we choose is terrific. And the more options there are to consider, the more attractive features of these features are going to be reflected by us as opportunity cost.

Bottom Line

God gave us free will, and with it the burden of choice.

Following are some reasons why choice can make people miserable:

1. Regret and anticipated regret
2. Opportunity costs
3. Escalation of expectations
4. Self-blame

Watch and download the above Barry Schartz TED Talk here. Or directly download the video (zipped MP4, 64MB) here.

Let us learn, share and advance.

Filed under: Insight, choice, consumers, expectations, Insight, opportunity cost, Progress, TED Talks